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We look shoulders over Personally, I'd just say the normal "We look over shoulders". It's direct.

Is this how the old man feels? The pain is low, indentured servants nibbling at organ-walls, sloshing hydriodic acids that spray up to the tongue, up caustic rivers of life ...

in uneven ways"--lightning struck ahead-- "lightening struck ahead" is too many syllables to have any effect. You hide a lot in you images, and I hope you realize this and ...

Is it true what they say about love? This is vague. A lot of things are said about love. Refuses to breathe An awkward short line that I think you ...

Ethers “Fuck.” He was under his desk. The room vibrated again, dust shaking all around him landing in his mane of black hair. It was slicked back, but as somebody ...

Quick characterics of simple features - hide them in the sentances that lack intense action...but applying them with an action is acceptable. What your character looks like isn't hugly important ...

Aye, I do. --Captain Aloisio Certainly not. My vocabulary is vast, and I have no need for repitions like that. --Alexander Do you believe in a sixth sense?

A beautiful sentiment, but the only lines with any profound meaning were in the first stanza. In any case, I am sure that profound is not always the aim of ...

getting up Just for the sake of mixing up words, I'd put "out" instead of "up". I liked the rhyme, loved the poem, and only suggest that you go through ...

for we are only ever as dark as the last day we remember this is just a pretty dream that always ends too soon. There's a lot of extra words ...

Break my psychadelic waves of nausea, bringing me back to the surface, spluttering and coughing up so many multi-coloured dreams. This comes off as something one would write on a ...

Hm. Haven't seen you in a while - I didn't know you wrote poetry. And exceedingly well. :D A bit exhausting on the "I want"s - could you have not ...

Um...Pat my relative! bask in the holiness...just bask.

Hah. This is cute. When you say Ladder of Time, though, I think that's just way too blatantly obvious and a waste of a line. Oh, and I think it ...

The ending wasnt as strong. I have 15 minutes on a cafe computer and i sort of our conversations. i'll get back to this saturday night.